What Makes a Chicagoan?

The other day, I was reading Chicago Magazine when I came upon an article talking about what adults believe it takes in order to be considered a Chicagoan.  It stated that one had to know what all four stars on the Chicago flag meant, have pride in the grid system, and live here for at least ten years.  Although I have complete pride in the adult Chicagoans who came up with these standards, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What about us, kids?  What do we need in order to be allowed to declare, ‘I’m a local’?”  I decided to walk around and ask friends and relatives what they believed it took for one to be a true Chicagoan.  It surprised me.  I noticed there were four main criteria that people had in common for being considered a Chicagoan:

1)      A good taste in real hot dogs. Almost everyone I surveyed accentuated the importance of appreciating a good-tasting, high-quality hot dog.  So what is a good-tasting, high-quality hot dog?  “It has to be longer than the width of your face,” states one of my friends, adding “It has to be big enough to keep you full for two meals, AND has to have pickles, relish, onions, tomato, jalapeños, and mustard.  Maybe some ketchup.”  Wow.

2)      Be proud of your sports team…kinda. “One must worship their sports team,” a boy in my class declares.  “They have to root for them all the way and watch at least 20% of their games.”  Another friend of mine claims, “You have to talk about your team all the time.  You have to constantly be saying, ‘The Sox rule!’ or ‘The Cubs rule!’ or something of that sort.”  I laugh and ask him, “So, just to clarify, do you ever think that our sports teams will win?”  He scoffs and replies, “Psh. Of course not.”

3)     At least 7 years in Chicago. “I know I’m a Chicagoan,” an acquaintance of mine cites, “because I’ve lived here my whole life. I’ve felt the ridiculously freezing winters and the absurdly melting summers.  I’ve seen the stunning falls and revitalizing springs.  I’ve suffered the most extreme weathers one can go through.”  I nod and ask, “But doesn’t it only take a year to go through all the seasons?”  They respond, “Yeah, but you need to have suffered more than once.  You need to have endured many times.”

4)      A sense of Midwestern security from natural disasters. My eight-year-old brother is very confident when making this point. “Chicago isn’t close to any oceans and there are lots of buildings. That’s why there aren’t any hurricanes or tornadoes.  Those are really scary.  And we never had any earthquakes.  Not like California.  We only had that teensy-weensy one and it didn’t even hurt a fly!  Oh, and there are no floods‘cause we’re right near a lake.  AND there are no burglars.”

Among all of this, I would like to add my own criteria.  I think what makes a true Chicagoan is an ability to appreciate the little things.  One doesn’t have to live in the John Hancock Building or own all of the Cubs merchandise.  A true Chicagoan knows where good food is.  A true Chicagoan can predict the outcome of a Sox-Tigers baseball game.  A true Chicagoan knows where there’s safety.  A true Chicagoan knows the city.

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